I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
