Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
