My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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