did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just google imaged poop.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
