hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i barfeds in our rink
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
