So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize