Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
