marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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