Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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