If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
