May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
