i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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