you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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