i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
