seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize