i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
