I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
