bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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