3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Panties = found
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
