Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
