you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
