The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
