If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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