put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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