you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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