break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
