too bad you live with your parents still
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
