now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
