Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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