Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
