My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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