mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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