I wish you could order shots online.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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