I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
