You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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