I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
