I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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