reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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