I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
