there was a trapeze. enough said
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
