he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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