My nipple is on Facebook.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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