four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize