no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
