i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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