So drunk its hurt
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
