Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
