You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
