My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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