bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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