We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
