I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do vagina's smell?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
