I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
