if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
