I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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