My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize