I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
