dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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