i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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