it was like eating out sand paper
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she told me i tasted like america
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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