omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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